No Mistake About It.

Sometimes life is so uncertain that it is difficult to believe that there is any hope for the future. There may be opposition coming at you from all directions and though you feel that what you are doing is what you were meant to do, sometimes the lord redirects our path.  For some reason, we are led on a certain path believing that the lord was giving us a calling and then suddenly it is ripped out from under us and we wonder why he would do such a thing. I know so many people (including myself) that have had such experiences. Blessings and dreams that would indicate that you were intended to fulfill a specific duty in life and then just as it seems you are finally closing in on that goal, you are hit with a curve ball and something entirely different becomes the outcome.  I think the alternate ending can come as such a shock that you become brokenhearted and discouraged about it. Had you done something wrong? Had you deviated from the course you had been given? Absolutely not! Unless you can specifically pick out a moment where you blatantly deviated the course, I don't think you messed up. Sometimes the Lord gives us goals that we don't fully understand. Through our eyes there is only one outcome, and when it turns out differently it may not be a mistake on your part at all. Sometimes we just need to be driven in a "seemingly" wrong direction in order to reach our intended direction. (if that makes any sense at all). Had I not followed the plan I believed was intended for me (though misunderstood) I never would have met my husband or have the life I have today. For years I looked back on how everything played out for me and wondered if I had made a mistake along the way.  I can finally tell you with confidence that it was not a mistake that I followed those feelings, nor did I end up in the wrong place. It was just the only way for me to get to the "right" place.

Read more »

Control

Things have actually been going pretty well for me lately. I realize it has been a while, I dropped my laptop, scratched the hard drive and was without a computer for a bit. I really wish I knew whether I was actually reaching anyone or if my blog was pointless. I realize that it is hard to talk about, but I feel like there are so many people out there that would benefit from the voices and testimonies of others who have been in our shoes and are making it one step at a time. It isn't that hard to reach out when you know it is helping someone. The problem is, with this kind of abuse, many of us shy away from talking about it because society seems to make it even more shameful. We have nothing to be ashamed of. Our fears are what really hold us back. I really don't think the actual abuse is what plagues us, it is our fears.  It is fear that has kept me from all of the activities and decisions that would truly aid in my happiness and success not the abuse. I can only imagine that it is the same for many of you.  Many of us have been told that we  are no good, that we are tainted and therefore of less value than someone else. I promise you that it is not true!

For much if not most of my life, without realizing it, I have been preventing my happiness. My fear of the unknown and of being unable to control my surroundings has paralyzed me. By feeling the need to control every situation, I have been giving in to fear. To live in the moment is too much for me sometimes, but to live in fear (as I am discovering) is to give up my agency in order to feel safe. Not necessarily what God had in mind for us is it? I can't control my surroundings, I can only control myself. By trying to hold on to control, I am allowing Satan in. It was his plan to deprive us of mistakes so that we could return to live with Heavenly Father, is it not his plan to stir up fear in our hearts so that we will make the same decision. By living in fear, we are depriving ourselves of not only mistakes, but happiness. Yes, it is possible that by letting go of our control we may get hurt, but if we never provide opportunity for pain we will never experience joy either.

Read more »

Review / The Right Touch

 
"The Right Touch" By Sandy Kleven, LCSW
This book starts out with a mother and son during their bedtime routine. Her tickling him provides opportunity for an impromptu conversation about "touching problems". She tells him that if he doesn't like the way she tickles him that he can tell her stop. If she doesn't stop promptly it would be considered a "touching problem". They talk about bullies and being "tricked" by other kids. She was clarifying that he understood the difference between feeling good and bad about something. Then his mother shares a story about a little girl who was lured into a neighbors house to look at kittens. She delicately relays the situation, going as far as telling him that the man put his hand in her panties. The little girl ran home and told her parents. Then explained that what the man did was wrong and against the law and that he got into big trouble for what he did. The mother then discusses "warning feelings". She also shows him a book with illustrations of a little girl and little boy unclothed without labels so that parent's can use words they are comfortable using to describe body parts to their children. She explains that your whole body is private but some parts are extra private.  She discusses when it is appropriate for people to look at or touch those parts. They practice saying "NO".  The mom tells her boy that "touching problems" apply to everyone, to tell her if anything like that ever happens to him and that it is never the child's fault.

In general I liked the book. It was quite tasteful and I don't think I would feel uncomfortable reading this to any particular age group. I think it would depend on whether you are ready to expose your child to the differences between boys and girls yet. I think some of the concepts are a little more difficult for a younger child to understand, but a little explaining should be enough.

Read more »

Some Enlightenment

My boys stayed home from church today due to Migranes and Fevers. I got home just in time to catch this talk by Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf.  As he compared the story of the Ugly Duckling (which is toward the beginning) to our lives I began to tear up! I have read that story so many times and can't believe that I have never quite taken it in the way he has.  The entire talk is wonderful, but if you are crunched for time I encourage you to watch at least the first 10 to 20 minutes.


 If only I understood life the way this man does!

Read more »

Review / Some Secrets Hurt

"Some Secrets Hurt" By Linda Kay Garner

I can not tell you how happy I am that this book exists! I think every parent should read this book to their children. I think a book like this would have helped me enormously as a child, especially if I had read it prior to or around the time I had been abused. I have friends who were abused within their own families that would have probably benefited from this book also.

This is a story about Maggie, a little girl with a secret that makes her sad, sick and scared. It makes her feel funny around adults and doesn't know who to trust. The story goes over all of the feelings she has about the secret. She is afraid to talk to anyone because the secret is about someone her whole family knows and trusts. This person gives her gifts and tells her that her parents will be mad if she tells. She says he is touching her and it makes her uncomfortable. She is scared, but she wants it to stop and knows she needs to tell. When she tells her parents they tell her that she has done the right thing and explain to her that people like that are sick and need help.  They make the touching stop. Maggie is able to get help from grownups and starts to feel better and stronger. Then the author tells the reader that what happened to Maggie is abuse, that it is not your fault if something like this happens to you, and to talk to an adult you trust to help you. Then  she has a Parent's Guide so that they know what types of behavior changes to look for and what to do if something has happened. The author uses language that is simple and understandable. I would recommend this book to everyone with children of all age groups!

Read more »

ADHD and Sleep

 I don't know about the rest of you, but I am always tired and my mind races so much that I can't even get a nap in when the munchkin goes down. I end up laying there running scenarios over and over in my head or planning the next meal or stressing over something stupid I said. I know, I know, You are probably thinking "there are medications for that". Believe me I know. I can't tell you how many years I have spent taking medication for my ADHD, Depression and so on. I am finally at a point in my life where I have been off of my meds and am actually doing pretty well (aside from the ADHD keeping me awake). I would try to describe it but this ECard Says it better:
 

It is hard to admit, but I haven't transitioned into parenthood quite as gracefully as I had hoped! I kept my job so that I could have some "Mommy Time" but when your job involves screaming kids and no lunch break you can't really consider it a break can you?  So I am a full time mom and a part time ... mom to other children. I absolutely love kids, but sometimes I just need time for myself.  Hence the sleepless nights! I don't usually go to bed until midnight (usually) ADHD keeps me up for at the very least 30 minutes but it's usually an hour or more (sometimes all night) and then up by 8:00 which should be good for most, but I am more of a 10 hour a night girl. Naptime, well lets just say that by the time I fall asleep, the little one is up and ready to play.

As much as I would love the aid of a medication to get some sleep, the usual's ( Benedryl and Unisom) don't work because they just make you more drowsy instead of turning your brain off. I am determined to avoid the prescription ADHD and depression medications because they seem to numb my emotions. I would much rather feel all of my emotions right now than try to numb the sadness and never have the ability to feel happy either.  Medication has been heaven sent at times so I am not going to be an advocate for people going off of their medication if they truly need it. At this moment in my life though, I really just want to be able to connect emotionally to the people that mean the most to me and with my doctor's help I have been able to successfully transition. Problem is, if I tell him I am not sleeping he will likely prescribe an adhd or anti-psychotic to help me sleep (which I would really like to avoid)

 Managing my time is one of my shortcomings. Once I get my toddler down I can actually accomplish something or even do something for myself in quiet (like blog, or read, or just watch a show with my husband without interruption). I am sure a little exercise and a sleep routine would probably come in handy too. Maybe I need to just ditch the "me time" for a little while and get into a routine, exercise and try a little essential oil in the humidifier.  I will let you know if it works  (if I ever actually get to it).

If you have had trouble sleeping in the past for similar reasons and have found a more natural solution, PLEASE comment and let me know what is working for you!

Read more »

Book Review

Sorry it has been a little while, I had a post ready and then the CT shooting happened and I was sick about it for quite some time. It was hard for me to come to grips with it and made me want to hold my little one a little closer.  I'm sure all of us did.

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas, mine was! The year has begun, time for resolutions and renewals. I can't believe I have actually been blogging for a year now! My resolution this year is to keep myself busy with activities that will make me feel better about who I am and to help other parents find ways to protect their children. One of the ways I would like to help is by reviewing children's books intended to help children understand their bodies and open up discussion about uncomfortable topics. Talking about their bodies, appropriate touching and safety around others (strangers and otherwise).

This week I have read 2 books geared toward children and their bodies.

The first book is "Amazing You!" by Dr. Gail Saltz
 
First off, on the cover of the book there is a little stamp that says "A first guide to Body Awareness for Preschoolers".  To be perfectly honest, I was a little horrified that she was presenting this as a book for such a young age group. The book is beautifully illustrated and has a great message, but in my personal opinion this book has a PG age 9 to 11 rating on it (possibly older). I was horrified that a book written for such young children not only had illustrations of male and female bodies young and old, but went as far as showing images of the egg traveling to the uterus and little sperm with smiley faces swimming around in the testicles. Um..... I'm all for being honest with my kids about their bodies, but when they are ready to hear about it! It is just too much too early!  If you are ready to tell your preschooler almost everything about the birds and the bees then be my guest, but I won't be reading this to my kids until they are a little bit older.

Next is "Your Body Belongs to You" by Cornelia Spelman

This is a wonderful book appropriate for any age about touch. It isn't a book your child will likely be excited to read, but it does enforce the idea that your body is your own and it is ok for you to say no to hugs, kisses and touches that make you feel uncomfortable and encourages kids to talk to a parent if their privates are ever touched. I would recommend this book as a good opener for appropriate touch.

Have a nice weekend!

Read more »